Kid on The Polar Express: "Christmas just doesn't work out for me. It never has."
My husband: "Kid, you're in The North Pole on a magical train. SHUT UP."
7yrold: "Mom, what's a tea cosy?"
Me: "It's a little sweater you knit for your teapot to keep your tea warm."
7yrold: "PLEASE tell me you're joking."
"Dude, why are you standing there in the hall starin' at me like a Shining baby?"
"Mom, you a really, really weird."